Old Habits Die Hard

I discovered She and Him, the indie folk band with Zooey Deschanel through my cousin Stephen several years ago. He was one of those relatives I never knew I had. And the only one I felt any sort of kinship to -- musicwise. He was into the indie music scene, would watch live performances at NYC's The Bowery Ballroom and at one time, interviewed The Strokes for Spin magazine.

She and Him - M. Ward and Zooey Deschanel

Anyway, he would intermittently mail me "mix tapes" of some of the new stuff he'd listen to -- most of them, indie bands I've never even heard of.

One of the songs was "Sentimental Heart," which became an instant favorite for me. That line - "Old habits die hard, when ya got a sentimental heart," with Deschanel's syrupy, sad, lilting voice was perfect for the rainy August or cold December days I am ever so fond of.

It's my soundtrack every time anything that has to do with P. comes up. Just like last night. Anything to do with him usually sends me crumpled and sad and inconsolable. There is a catalogue of hurts and tiny heartaches and an ocean of regret, and I can not bring myself to get over the entire thing.